Coping with sleep deprivation as new parents can be challenging to navigate, especially if you don’t have a support network of family or friends nearby to call upon. It is often both expected and accepted that babies will be waking for feeds and comfort throughout the day and night in the first 3 months. Then suddenly when they are 3 months, ere is the common belief that they should suddenly start sleeping longer and that if they don’t sleep longer, it is because of something you are doing or not doing as parents.
The research shows that it is normal and common for little ones to need some night feeds and night-time support, even into toddler years. So, if you are reading this because you are in the depths of sleep deprivation, please know that you are not alone and that you have a normal baby. Whilst there are some things that you can do to support your little one’s sleep development, sometimes the best first step is to consider how to support your own sleep needs around your baby’s intense night-time needs. Always remember that what works for one family may not work for another, so don’t be afraid to try different things to find your preferred approach.
- Embrace Naps if you can: So often new parents are advised to “sleep when the baby sleeps”. For some families, this can work well to help with catching up on some missed night-time sleep by having naps with baby in the daytime. However, unfortunately some babies are naturally short nappers (30–40-minute naps). If this is the case for you, to get baby settled and get any sleep yourself before the baby is awake again can feel near on impossible. However, it can still be helpful to rest with baby, enjoy a contact nap with them whilst watching something on TV. This contact time is so beneficial for their brain development and can be calming for you too.
- Share Responsibilities: Dividing night-time duties with your partner can be the most valuable strategy for helping you to each get some undisturbed sleep. Whilst this can be harder to manage if you are breastfeeding, it is not impossible if you plan well and play to your individual strengths. For example, if your partner is more of an evening person and can cope with later nights, you can breastfeed baby and then give them to your partner to settle and cuddle whilst you catch a few hours of sleep each evening. When baby next looks to feed, your partner can bring them to you and then you can either get a few more hours sleep or swap so that you stay up with baby after the feed to soothe and settle them whilst your partner gets some sleep. Swapping like this can ensure you both get some undisturbed sleep each night.
- Create a Sleep-friendly Environment: Keep your bedroom cool (room temp 16-20 degrees C), dark, and quiet. Some families find using a white noise machine helps baby to sleep for longer, others find that it is more disruptive though. If you do choose to use white noise, it’s important to keep the volume below 45 decibels and not have it too close to baby’s ears.
- Limit your own screen time in the late evening: Exposure to screens can disrupt your sleep cycles. Trying to read a book or listen to soothing music instead can help to avoid this. However, for some, watching something interesting on TV whilst holding baby is the best way to keep you relaxed but awake whilst you take your turn to soothe and calm baby. A relaxed parent = a more relaxed baby.
- Practice Relaxation Techniques: Engage in activities like deep breathing, meditation, or gentle yoga each day to help to keep your own nervous system regulated so that you can continue to be calm and present when your baby needs. So much of what we do in the early years of parenting focuses around the act of co-regulation – this is where we calm our baby by being a calm and reassuring presence. We cannot co-regulate effectively if we are dysregulated ourselves.
- Stay Hydrated and Eat Well: Proper nutrition and hydration can hugely influence your energy levels and overall well-being. It can be so easy to reach for the high sugar snacks when you are exhausted, however, healthy and nutritious snacks and meals will be far more beneficial to you when you are sleep deprived. A sugar hit can feel good for a very short time, but the drop in sugar levels can make you feel worse longer term.
- Consider safe bedsharing/co-sleeping: Babies need lots of closeness and connection to help them to adapt from womb to world. Some babies are naturally more settled and can sleep in their bed for short periods of time between feeds. Other babies are naturally more sensitive to the world around them and find being separated from your arms much harder. If you have a baby who needs lots of closeness and connection for reassurance, then bedsharing or co-sleeping can be the easiest way to meet their needs whilst also meeting your own sleep needs. Whether you intend to bedshare or not, it is important to familiarise yourself with how to set up a safe bedsharing environment to ensure you are minimising the risks of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).
- Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to ask family or friends for help. A few hours of babysitting can provide you with much-needed rest, even if this must be daytime, any sleep at any time can just help to recharge your batteries.
- Be Patient and Kind to Yourself: Remember that this period is temporary. Allow yourself grace and acknowledge that you’re always doing your best.
Finding ways to manage poor sleep is essential for your health and well-being. Prioritise rest and self-care to navigate this challenging time. Reach out for help and support. Whether this be someone holding the baby whilst you get some sleep, or someone making a meal for you, every little bit of help can make a tough time a little easier.
Need support with your little ones sleep? Book Sleep Support here.